2018 Wasn't Entirely... BAD

2018 is coming to an end. Looking back, I can hardly remember everything that I did this year. To make things worse, sometimes I confuse events that happened this year and events that happened in 2017. My concept of time has drifted away as I grow older. Funnily enough, I started understanding the concept of time in 2017 and the more I know it, the lesser I feel time.

Do you feel time?

Do you feel it passing away too like I do? Do you feel the ticking of time when you're in a rush? Do you feel it sway when you're chilling? Funny thing, time. We can never grasp it in our hands. No matter how much moments we have in life, how much memories we make, we always seem to be running out of time. It never gets enough. Maybe it's in the blood of what makes us human. The ungratefulness part of us but that's another topic.

So time...

I took Time Management class last semester. What my lecturer told me still lingers in my head. As usual, nobody really showed up in Time Management classes but he went on anyway. He asked us about how we feel about time. How we managed it, how we control it. First day of the class I actually thought he will be lecturing the whole class about how none of us made it to class on time. After asking the whole class about how we spend our time, I gave a really book based answer like 'Spending time wisely by reading' and such. However, after listening to our answers, he began talking about life and time. He told us, time is something we can never control. It will keep on going and it waits for no one. So it's crucial that we make the time we spent worthwhile. We can manage time all we want but if we do not have any time to spend with the people that we love, people we cherish, friends and family, those are the time that we are never going to get again and our days are numbered.

My first Time Management class, I learned that the time you spend with the people that you cherish, will never go wasted.

Looking back, I think I spent this year wishing it would pass as quickly as possible. Every time I face a hard time, I just prayed that time would go without me noticing it and so it did. Now I feel like it was so fast that at some points of my life this year, I hope I would have stopped for a moment and gave myself some time to think of the decisions that I've made. But I didn't because I prayed for time to go faster. Even the good things felt like it raced through. The good feelings I felt washed away in an instant and I was left to cruise with time because it wasn't waiting for me. The world wasn't stopping to congratulate me.

But it saved me the sorrows of dwelling into the past, the year went by so quickly for me, I feel glad that it's ending. Optimistic for 2019.

There were some good moments to remember 2018 by. Maybe like when I snatched 3 awards for my research project. Which I was really happy about since I did a research on something I am very passionate for. Knowing that it... was worth it and appreciated was fun. At least I didn't bust my ass for one whole year for nothing haha.

I can consider the bad things happening to me this year, as something good as well. Because without it, I would have never understood myself more. I got lost along the way in search of understanding what life is with or without a certain concept people choose to live in. While exploring the options of life, I got lost. I lost my way in search of a certain type of life that I wanted to live. That made me so furious of myself. Knowing me, I would have done better but this is me in charge. Why couldn't I do better?

Then it hit me, all my life I've been cruising through this path that was paved for me. This path that was set by everybody else and I am walking side by side until I got lost. Then I realised, I have to make a choice on which path I should take.

I decided on my path, then I found myself again. This time, I'm sure.

So this year, some of the bad things that happened have made me sure of who I am and what my core really is.

So I guess, I was blessed with good things to be grateful for and... lessons I learned from all the bad things that happened this year that have shaped me into the person I am today.

Thank you 2018, for all the good and the bad things that have happened.