The World in a Pandemic

How's everyone doing? I'm guessing we're in our, 8th weeks of Movement Control Order. At least for most Malaysians. If you're reading this from outside of Malaysians, you're either in a lockdown or quarantine. It's the same deal anyway. We're told to stay home and stay put to prevent the spreading of COVID-19.

The world has seen its fair share of Pandemic throughout history and with the lack of scientific discoveries and advancements we have today, I think people in the past faced a great deal too. But for our generation, I think we're new to this situation. We are taking things seriously and are following the guidelines. Except for some parts of the world that are just too dumb to think about it.

So, there's this phenomenon where people are doing all sorts of productive things during the Restricted Movement Order. Some people finally had the time to renovate their room, paint their houses, cook all different kinds of meals, finish books. Man, I really thought I would be one of those really productive people. But, the truth is, my world in a pandemic was a still one.

I did not do much during the long 42 days I have had, I did nothing much. I planned a lot of things to do but I did not do any of it. I planned to finish ALL my books in the To-Be-Read list, I planned to start writing again, I wanted to watch all the movies I haven't watch. Binged watch all the famous TV Series there is, learn new skills, renovate my room (like everyone else) but none of those happen. Except for some TV Series. Oddly enough, I wasn't disappointed with myself.

I couldn't pick up the book I wanted to read, I just didn't feel like watching anything much.

It's odd, I have all the TIME in the world now. Now is the time.

However, since I will start working normally, in a regular working hour, I panicked and realized "SHIT THERE ARE STILL SO MANY THINGS I HAVEN'T DONE." Now I am wishing for more time. I realized, I loved the time I had, I didn't really love the staying inside (funnily enough before the pandemic happened, all I wanted was MORE TIME in the house.) I think it is true that we never appreciate the things we have in life until it is taken away from us. Now that I have had all the time, I realized I never had any decisive plan what to do with it or actually the motivation to do anything with it.

At least I waste time more efficiently than I waste money. That is one way to look at things through a whole new perspective.

But, as I type down these words, I do realize what I have given myself. I have given myself a long awaited rest. My whole life has always been about jumping from one phase to another. I can't remember the last time I had a long proper rest. After secondary school I was so set on getting into University, then I was busy studying. I didn't even travel with my friends because we are all, really focused on our assignments and projects. We did not play much, we hung out in our way. And then, we get into the working world pretty much instantly. It all happened so fast. My longing for weekends grew bigger and bigger as I faced with obstacles or issues from work and it gets harder and harder.

I am not saying 'Thank god for the Pandemic. I can finally sleep!'.

In a way, I was able to reward myself with enough rest, enough family time, explore playing games, relax and sometimes I even sit in my room and stare at the wall, just do nothing and stare. It's just, it felt alright. I'm alright with how unproductive I was. I am fine with how little I did. I'm happy with all the connections I've done with my friends. I seem to feel like I treasure them more than ever now, and I love that I can spend time talking to them. My everyday life had been busy previously. Realizing I didn't do much for the first time ever, feels so comforting. In a way, it was self-care for me.

Thank you, Mira. For not exerting yourself to do so many things, to try to be productive cause, to hell with that. It's good you had a great rest. So, when I wake up tomorrow, and get ready for work maybe I'll get my head straight, get my focus back and try to live life as diligently as I did.